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Filk: Don't Ask, Don't Tell

Don't Ask, Don't Tell
by Shaddyr
A Stargate: Atlantis Filk

**Song notes and link to sound file follow***


You had the gift I wished were mine, and with mere thought
You brought the solar system into view
The secrets that I'd studied for so long to understand
Bent before your will and lent themselves to your command

I think I started loving you from the moment that we met
I hated you a little bit as well
Everything I'd never be, and yet you called me friend,
Finally part of a team on which I could depend,

Don't ask, don't tell – why yes, I'm doing well
They're not tears, it's just dust in my eyes,
I – love you, just like good friends do -
oh god, John, please don't ask any more
I can't tell you what this feeling's for

I thought my heart would stop that day you said, "So long!"
You left to face the Wraith and save us all,
How dearly was the battle won, such bitter, painful cost
(Then) you spoke from the Daedaluls, and I knew my heart was lost,

Don't ask, don't tell, this is my private hell
We smile and laugh; you'll never know the truth
It's – too much, sometimes I need to touch
Your shoulder or your arm, just don't ask why,
Please don't make me live another lie

It seems just yesterday, when we first found this place
We've learned so much but also paid the price
And when I watch you gazing at your city, I can see
This is your true home, and there's no place I'd rather be,

Don't ask, don't tell, It's funny how I fell
So hard for something never meant to be,
I'm – so glad, I never really had,
Such a friend, I'll never let you see
How very much you've come to mean to me

If you like it you can print out a PDF complete with the chords.

Or you can listen to the scratch track.



Song Notes:

I got the idea for this filk several months ago. I've read reams of SGA fanfic, and DADT is a recurring theme in McShep, obviously because John is Military. When I write fic, I tend toward the happy and the funny, but I one day I found myself humming a sad tune and singing 'Don't ask, don't tell..." and trying to come up with rhymes.

TEH ANGST! Which, as anyone who has actually read my fic knows, is something I hate to write. EXCEPT! Songs. Songs are fair game. Because though Ose is kind of the filk equivalent to angst, I have no problem at all writing Ose.

::shrugs::

Oh, the contradictions of being me.

In any case, this song idea followed me around for months, and finally got finished at FKO where I sang it in the Saturday circle. I hope you guys like it.

Comments

( 48 comments — Leave a comment )
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winter_elf
Apr. 11th, 2008 04:27 am (UTC)
Wow - that's just... awesome!! Great song. A lot of work I imagine - and a tune too.
shaddyr
Apr. 11th, 2008 04:48 am (UTC)
Thank you!

Honestly, the first chorus just wrote itself. The rest was a little more recalcitrant - definitely more work. The tune, however, was pretty much in my head from the get go, so that part was pretty easy.

I am glad that you enjoyed!
hsifyppah
Apr. 11th, 2008 04:31 am (UTC)
Ooohh, you fancied it up. I like.
shaddyr
Apr. 11th, 2008 04:50 am (UTC)
*YAY!!*

You were totally helpful with this song you know. Srsly. Now hurry up and post yours so I can link to it and tell all my McShep ppl that it is John's answer to Rodney's Lament.

!!!

PS: Did you get an offer yet?????
(no subject) - hsifyppah - Apr. 11th, 2008 04:59 am (UTC) - Expand
simplysly
Apr. 11th, 2008 04:44 am (UTC)
*boggles* This is just amazing! Good job!
shaddyr
Apr. 11th, 2008 04:52 am (UTC)
*blush*

Thank you! I love writing fic, but sometimes my muse, she just doesn't go to prose - she starts humming a tune, and that's it.

I am glad that you enjoyed!
garneteve
Apr. 11th, 2008 04:49 am (UTC)
omg...the angst..the pain...awwww...*hugs the filk*...awwwwww *cries
shaddyr
Apr. 11th, 2008 04:55 am (UTC)
::pets you::

I'm glad you... uhm... enjoyed? In that it hurts so good kinda way.

::hands you a tissue::

Thanks for your kind yet teary comments.
vixyish
Apr. 11th, 2008 05:35 am (UTC)
I'll say it again: this song is beautiful.
shaddyr
Apr. 11th, 2008 05:50 am (UTC)
Awww, shucks.

::hee::

I really am pleased when I hear comments like that from you and Brooke. I always worry that what I write might be lackluster next to some of the amazingly talented people out there, so thank you. I really appreciate you taking them time to let me know that you liked it.
sheistheweather
Apr. 11th, 2008 06:15 am (UTC)
I've never seen more than five minutes of SGA, and my wonderful friend has just started showing me SG1 (I've seen the first four episodes, as well as one or two scattered later). I really like this song, though.

Edited at 2008-04-11 06:17 am (UTC)
shaddyr
Apr. 11th, 2008 04:33 pm (UTC)
Thank you muchly!

I love SG1, it's wonderful and fun and is a fabulous show. BUT! SGA has stolen my heart completely. It's in the same universe, but it really is a completely different show with a different dynamic, and Rodney makes the show for me.

Hee! you have a Social Chernobyl icon. OMG. That is so awesome! Has hsifyppah seen that? Hee!
(no subject) - sheistheweather - Apr. 11th, 2008 04:56 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - hsifyppah - Apr. 12th, 2008 04:06 am (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - sheistheweather - Apr. 12th, 2008 06:53 am (UTC) - Expand
quasar273
Apr. 11th, 2008 06:57 am (UTC)
Very impressive, very moving.
shaddyr
Apr. 11th, 2008 04:36 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much! I wanted to capture the essence of falling in love against your will and accepting the pain of loving someone you think will never love you back in a couple of verses. It was a real challenge, so it's good to hear back that it hit people on an emotional level.
the_cephalopod
Apr. 11th, 2008 08:45 am (UTC)
Oh, Shad... *sobs* This is just gorgeous!! I think you've broken me... Beautiful. cep xxx
shaddyr
Apr. 11th, 2008 04:41 pm (UTC)
Ahh! Cep! I was thinking about you last night when I posted this! I tried to hang out long enough to catch you online, but I'm so bagged at night now with my 5:45am work start time, I had to crash.

Ooooo!! Did I make you cry? Just you wait! hsifyppah has a response song from John's POV that will take the broken pieces and set them on fire with TEH ANGST OH NOES!!!

And then, of course, you will come in a write a little ficlet to make it all better, yis? Yis. This is what I have been counting on since I got back from Toronto.

"Self," I sez to myself, "Self, don't worry. Cep will make it better, she'll fix John and Rodney and make them have sex. Yis yis."

So. Just wait till you hear her song and it shatters you into a million pieces. THEN tell me how broken you are. Then *FIX* it.

Bwahahaha. Yes, I am evil. But you already knew that.

Edited at 2008-04-11 04:43 pm (UTC)
You are... - the_cephalopod - Apr. 11th, 2008 07:34 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: You are... - shaddyr - Apr. 11th, 2008 08:21 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: You are... - the_cephalopod - Apr. 11th, 2008 08:36 pm (UTC) - Expand
mukanshin
Apr. 11th, 2008 11:59 am (UTC)
Wonderful. <3
shaddyr
Apr. 11th, 2008 04:43 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I am glad that you enjoyed!
ladyoflisquill
Apr. 11th, 2008 12:28 pm (UTC)
Oh wow. This is heart-breakingly wonderful. I love the way you fliped the DADT to be Rodney's line not John's.
shaddyr
Apr. 11th, 2008 04:51 pm (UTC)
Yay! Broken hearts! *cough* Sorry.

Seriously, I waffled on who's POV this was going to be from, but Rodney's voice always seemed the clearest. And I deliberately used the line about loving like good friends from Tao of Rodney because I think that's the closest John's ever been to admitting a feeling for Rodney.

It's JMHO, but I don't think John *can* admit, even to himself, how he really feels about Rodney. However, if faced with incontrovertible evidence that Rodney is in love with him, I think it would shake a few things loose. He just couldn't be the one to make the first step.

Thanks for the feedback!
mellyna
Apr. 11th, 2008 12:47 pm (UTC)
Beautifully done. Thanks for sharing.
shaddyr
Apr. 11th, 2008 04:52 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much - you are very welcome! I am glad you enjoyed!
fiareynne
Apr. 11th, 2008 01:53 pm (UTC)
That is lovely. <3
shaddyr
Apr. 11th, 2008 04:52 pm (UTC)
Thank you!
psio03kx
Apr. 11th, 2008 02:15 pm (UTC)
Wow, that was just beautiful it really was totally and completely wonderful...

Any plans for doing one from John's POV? ;)
shaddyr
Apr. 11th, 2008 05:05 pm (UTC)
I am happy to hear that you liked it!

Actually, when I sang this for hsifyppah last weekend, she jumped up and said, "OMG! I have this song that I wrote that I *never* sing because it's too angsty and sad and it's the perfect John response!" and then she sang it for me.

Bitch made me cry. And it is, good god, it *IS* the most perfect response ever, like it was written deliberately on purpose from John's POV in response to this.

Blew me away. So. I'm harassing her to record the damn thing and put it on her website and then post a link to mckay_sheppard. Cuz seriously. It's just so fucking good. And *painful*. And so *very* John Sheppard.
(no subject) - psio03kx - Apr. 11th, 2008 06:56 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - shaddyr - Apr. 11th, 2008 08:25 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - the_cephalopod - Apr. 11th, 2008 09:44 pm (UTC) - Expand
(no subject) - psio03kx - Apr. 11th, 2008 11:45 pm (UTC) - Expand
oran
Apr. 11th, 2008 03:44 pm (UTC)
Perfect. Very little makes me cry, I'm a hard hearted old bitch but this brought tears... excellent.
shaddyr
Apr. 11th, 2008 06:37 pm (UTC)
Aww! That's so sweet! Thank you for letting me know it made an impact on your. That's always so awesome to hear.
sp23
Apr. 11th, 2008 11:37 pm (UTC)
Oh, that was lovely, Shad, both the lyrics and the song itself. Hee, I started singing along with you. *g*

Of course, in my mind, John is so ZOMG! in love with Rodney that all Rodney has to do is make one tiny move, and then, boy howdy, it's Katie* bar the door. *g*

*not to be confused with Katie Brown. ;-P

Edited at 2008-04-11 11:39 pm (UTC)
shaddyr
Apr. 12th, 2008 12:57 am (UTC)
::happy dance::

I'm so glad that it got you singing along! YAY! That's so cool!

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