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Oh yes, I've got my ranty pants on, I do indeed...

So ExOfMine strolled in to get the kiddies a few hours ago. He made sure to let me know about Jazzy Girl's behavior last week. (losing her cool with the sibs because they were going with their dad for Thanksgiving dinner) He got in (what I considered) a sly remark about how he 'understood' because she didn't have a father or a family -

Urge to kill, rising...

Yeah.

I cut him off right there and said she did so have a family. He backpedaled right away and mumbled yeah, but not a dad -

Danger, Will Robinson!

Yeah.

I nipped that shit in the bud too. Pointed out I never had a dad growing up, and this was so *not* about a dad or lack thereof. She was feeling left out, yeah, but she wanted *us* to have a family thing. Me, her, Girly Girl and Monkey Boy. Because *we* are a family. Not because she was jealous that he was their dad and not hers.

O_o

Fucking idiot. Fucking moron. OMFG he's so luck I didn't kill him in his sleep years ago. GRAH!!!

::steam::

Also, he just doesn't seem to realize that she can't *stand* him. I try really hard NOT to talk nasty about him to her. I try to point out to her that he's not a horrible man, that he's always come to see GG and MB, that he's always paid Child Support in full and on time (till now) and that there are worse people in the world. But she really can't stand him. I have to remind her to keep a civil tongue in her mouth when she's talking to him because the things she could say... she's got a vicious edge of sarcasm and no end of insults that would rip a strip up one down the other if he ever pissed her off bad enough. Yeah, there's a little hostility there. Leik whoa.

Anyway. To get him *off* beating the dead horse of "just making sure you talked to her about her inappropriate behaviour" before *I* ripped off one of his legs and beat him to death with it, I asked him how his new job was going.

Fine apparently. Great. So before I could even bring up the next point, he says, "I'll be able to start paying you child support again next month. It'll be for about (figure he named which $140/mo less than the court order) because I'm making less now."

I just sat there for a moment and pondered. Okay. What were my options?

I could flip out. Yeah. That would get ugly fast, devolve into screaming and yelling. Very counter productive. But. It would feel good. The guy owes me a significant amount of money. Okay, so tempting, but no. Counterproductive.

I could try to talk to him. Point out that he needs to apply for a new agreement. That it is *his* responsibility to get a new court order, but in the meantime he is required to make sure he pays the maintenance he owes. Which would lead to defensive comments from him, about how he can't afford it and I am being a selfish bitch. Which would lead to me pointing out all the money he has wasted over the years on computer shit, DVDs, CDs, car stereos with bass speakers that you can hear in the next province. Which would lead to screaming and yelling and-- see above. As already established - counterproductive.

I could just not say anything at all. He leaves thinking that he has won with no argument from me. I have time to plan my strategy and check with FMEP to find out what my rights are. I am not positive about it; I've heard two different stories. One says that they only look at his actual income, the other says that they look at his family income (meaning him and his wife). So, on one hand, I don't really want her money, but on the other hand, he had kids with me before he married her so I think that GG and MB should be his first priority since she *has* a great job. AAMOF, she has been essentially supporting *him* since they got married since he's been off work over a year. It's just that his pogey finally ran out a few months ago, so now he *has* to get work.

So, I didn't say anything. I gotta do some research before I lay down the law. I'm tempted to wait a couple more months and when he's built up several thousand dollars in back pay owed, *then* go after him. But that would be deliberately setting him up on my part.

FUCK I hate that he's put me in the position of having to be the bitch. FUCK! I HATE HIM!

/rant

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Comments

( 21 comments — Leave a comment )
pondside
Oct. 20th, 2008 03:33 am (UTC)
Can you point family law at him as opposed to YOU going after him?

I am very impressed that you didn't rip his leg off and beat him with it. The only thing that saved his life some years ago was that I didn't think I should kick his brains in when his dad had just died.

hugs and much compassion for your unfortunate permanent connection to that troglodyte.

You can always remind him that Jz has 2 mothers and that beats an idiot father any day of the week!!!!!!
shaddyr
Oct. 20th, 2008 08:00 pm (UTC)
Well, I was enrolled with the FMEP because I was on income assistance back then. However, I never kept up with reporting his payments when I started working because it wasn't required, so I don't even know if they even have me on file anymore.

I'll have to check into it. Gah.
solomons_pond
Oct. 20th, 2008 03:34 am (UTC)
Hugs dear.

However you want to play, I'm behind you. Even if you do "set him up", it's still his responsibility. If he doesn't pay, it's _his_ responsibility, not yours.
shaddyr
Oct. 20th, 2008 08:02 pm (UTC)
I just don't want to be a deliberate biatch, you know? Even though I might have a knee jerk reaction that way, that's not who I want to be.
duncanmac
Oct. 20th, 2008 05:06 am (UTC)
I hope you won't be ticked at me for saying, this but ...

That ex doesn't deserve your reaction. Rather, he may be *deliberately* riling you. Ignoring this kind of thing may be a better solution -- short of stripping him of custody rights altogether.

That does not excuse his violation of the court order. One should take him to court pronto (do the kids deserve the loss of support while you wait for him to be well-into-arrears? What happens if he finds a way to declare bankruptcy?). It's best to hold him to what was specified, or to explain why he can't do it to a judge immediately. pondside's comments about family law are also relevant to this.
jenk
Oct. 20th, 2008 05:29 am (UTC)
FYI, do not know about BC, but in WA child support is one of the things that cannot be discharged by bankruptcy. The only legal way for child support not be paid down here is to a) petition for a new order or b) die.
duncanmac
Oct. 20th, 2008 05:53 am (UTC)
Point taken. My knowledge of family law is rather weak.
jenk
Oct. 20th, 2008 06:15 am (UTC)
S'okay - note I don't know the BC particulars m'self.
(Deleted comment)
shaddyr
Oct. 20th, 2008 08:04 pm (UTC)
Accepting hugs. Hugs are good.

We'll have something made of chocolate at the finale. I'll need it.

I wish I had McKay's brain right now. I'd come up with something brilliant. And oooooh, life for da ex would be miserable for a while. Bwahaha.

Heh. Yeah, there should be a filk.
agilebrit
Oct. 20th, 2008 10:55 am (UTC)
*hugs* He's setting himself up by not paying what he owes. He's a grown-up, he knows what his responsibilities are, and if he's not discharging them properly, that's NOT YOUR PROBLEM. Except it is, because, you know, he OWES YOU MONEY. So...the consequences to him aren't your problem.

This isn't you being a bitch. This is him refusing to grow the hell up.
shaddyr
Oct. 20th, 2008 08:05 pm (UTC)
::hugs::

Thanks, hun.
u_must_b_joking
Oct. 20th, 2008 01:41 pm (UTC)
Grr
It's off to the library for some research, folks.
shaddyr
Oct. 20th, 2008 08:06 pm (UTC)
Re: Grr
Hey. I miss you. We need to sing some songs. I have your UU hymn in my head, but only a line of it.

Also, sometimes men suck. Grah.
(Deleted comment)
shaddyr
Oct. 20th, 2008 10:09 pm (UTC)
To be fair, Marie has always welcomed Jazzy. But she felt really out of place the last time she went and I was not there, so she really doesn't want to go.

However. That being said. Interestingly enough, as I think about it, I realize that there was no invitation extended to her this year.

But then I try to be a compassionate human being.

Hee! You are! ::hugs::

So I think that you and I should meet up - like one day soon, before VCon next year - cuz we both have *so* much spare time (/sarcasm) and get you to de-stress me.

*wink*
(Deleted comment)
psio03kx
Oct. 20th, 2008 03:18 pm (UTC)
Damn thats some harsh news, dunno what really to say except that hope things start going better for you and don't worry because things always work themselves out in the end ;)
shaddyr
Oct. 20th, 2008 10:11 pm (UTC)
things always work themselves out in the end

Yeah. Truth. Oi. Some days you're the windshield, some days your the bug.
ladyniko
Oct. 22nd, 2008 02:23 pm (UTC)
Yeah, time to pull out the legal books and have the family courts go after him, because he still needs to pay what he owes until there is a new legal agreement for less.

Good luck!

(Too bad you can't have Rodney hack his bank records & set up automatic payments to you... *eg*)
mackenziesmomma
Oct. 29th, 2008 06:50 pm (UTC)
Oh, *HUGS* to you dear.

I've been going through this with my ex, and it doesn't get any easier. At least ExBoy takes the time to come see GG and MB, mine hasn't seen Munch since MAY. Then he has the audacity to whine that he doesn't see her and I don't send him pictures(um, hello- no camera = no pictures, duh) and wah! wah! wah!

Mind you he is meanwhile living it up and going to concerts, buying stereos, computers etc. Then has the audacity to complain that *I* am *addicted* to SGA and that I suck because I'm going on my first non-working vacation in SIX years.

*HUGS* dear at some point you'll win.
( 21 comments — Leave a comment )

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