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Most of last year, GirlyGirl did various volunteer gigs, but she never landed any paid work. I think she made it to a couple interviews, but managed to spectacularly blow even more (getting lost on the way, getting lost again, oh yeah getting ONE MORE TIME) In the fall, JG got her an interview with the housekeeping dept where she works. I thought that sweeping, moping and wiping tables would be something she could manage fairly easily.

Yeah, not so much. *sigh*

GG is a rather odd duck. She has a good heart, and she can follow instruction; IF she stays on task, she actually does a really good job. She's meticulous and has a bit of a perfectionism streak in her, strange as it may seem to anyone who has ever seen her room. On the other hand, she's very bad for whining and has the bitter 'they're out to get me' attitude that was the hallmark of her father. GAH!

Bottom line - while she could do the work, she was too slow. Also, she whined to her boss, complained to JG's co-workers, and generally had a lousy attitude. After a few stern conversations following her 2 weeks of training shifts, she whined and moaned about how she could never do anything right, that she was a failure and would never amount to anything - FAUGH!

I just cannot handle that stuff. Her dad used to pull that shit - it's NOT about being depressed, because I KNOW from depression. Yes, it's depressing to be out of work and feel stuck. Yes, she's in a funk. But this "woe is me, my life is so hard, how horrible it is, the world would be better if I was dead" crap makes me want to scream and hit things.

There was bit of yelling in my house, and I don't apologize. Bullshit thinking perpetuates bullshit thinking. As soon as that crap starts dribbling out, I bark at her to can it, think about the things she needs to be thankful for, and that she needs to go look in the mirror and say "I am lovable, capable and acceptable and I deserve good things in my life."

My girl has one essential problem, I think. She's lazy. I know this problem intimately, because I AM LAZY TOO. Like can recognize like. I have let things slide too many times. It's easy to not push her, but that's not doing her any favours to let her slack off and not keep looking just because it's a tough job market out there. Kicking starting her and keeping a fire lit under her ass is hard work (also, see previous comment where I am LAZY) but if I don't, she'll never get motivated on her own. JG, she's got internal motivation. So does the boy - they take after my mom, who was the most motivated person I ever met (even if it was for messed up reasons) GG is NOT. She needs external stimuli, just like I did.

In ANY case... while she didn't land a full time job, she did retain the on-call, casual position for the times they needed someone for a sick out-call or extra help. So far, she's been called in twice - once when they needed help with a big function, and then another time when the dish room gal got sick. She liked working in the dish room a LOT more than general housekeeping.

Monday she got a call to come in - someone bailed at the last minute and someone else was sick. She got called again yesterday and she's at work again today. I'm not happy someone else is ill, but I'm sure glad she's getting some hours. It's good for her to have a few bucks for spending money and bus tickets. Plus, the more success she has, the more successful she will feel and that can only help.

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( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
yasminke
Jan. 16th, 2014 05:49 am (UTC)
Yeah, I got one like that, too.

::hugs::
enigmaticblues
Jan. 16th, 2014 02:27 pm (UTC)
Hoo boy. My brother was a little bit that way. Super smart, but not inclined to do much work, or push himself. It took a few years, but he finally got tired of working dead end jobs and went and found something that would allow him to get ahead, and went back to school. But yeah, it was a lot of years of working for crap jobs for crap pay and my parents saying, "Well? How are you going to change things if you don't like where you're at?"
lunabee34
Jan. 16th, 2014 08:00 pm (UTC)
My brother was the same way. Super smart and very very good hearted and kind but completely unmotivated. It took watching all his friends start careers and families and begin buying stuff like cars and fancy TVs for him to become motivated to change; well, it really took meeting the woman he wanted to marry and realizing that she was not going to be interested in marrying someone who lived in a falling apart trailer on the edge of his parents' property and worked at Steak and Shake. LOL He was 25 when he got his act together and went back to school, and he excelled and is now a highly respected school teacher. I think it just takes some time for some people figure out what they want to do and who they want to be.
starbuckssue
Jan. 16th, 2014 06:33 pm (UTC)
It's a hard old world out there, much harder to find work than it was when I was young and I really do pity the youngsters who are struggling to find jobs these days, with all the cuts and companies going overseas for cheaper labour.

I don't have kids but I have several friends who do and who are in a similar position. So many of them know how hard the job situation is and even before they leave school they are already of the attitude that there isn't a job out there for them, so they don't try.

It must be hard, you want to encourage but not push too hard and it's a fine line between the two, I hope you and GG can find the balance and hope she comes to realise that earning the money makes the work worthwhile!
maverick_weirdo
Jan. 17th, 2014 07:13 am (UTC)
I have been told that "laziness" is often the symptom of another problem.

You mentioned that she is a perfectionist. Some people who are perfectionists decide "If I can't be perfect then why bother". The times when she is "lazy" may be times when she has given up on perfection. She needs to learn that "do it perfect or not at all" is too limiting a stance.
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )

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