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Sexism in the workplace

I just had a male colleague snap at me. I've found him to be mildly patronizing in the past, and I have come to realize that I often allow men like him to feel smarter by deferring to them and saying things like "you understand X far better than I do, so I'll trust you on that" so I don't have to fight about stupid things and I can get what I need (info, resources, help, whatever)

Well, today he was asking me to verify something on a group email cc'd to at least 8 people. But it wasn't clear which project they were talking about because they always talk about work streams and never use project ID numbers. So i asked for clarification privately and then he was confused, and wasn't sure I was talking about the same thing. I told him it would help if he logged into the portal (WHICH WAS WHERE THE INFO HE NEEDED WAS!) and he snapped, "No shit!"

So... grand scheme of things, not really huge compared to other things. But very upsetting anyway. I told him I didn't appreciate being spoken to like that and he apologized, but I think the problem is that he - and numerous other men like him - just don't respect women in the workplace. I've always adjusted my stance, modified my approach, simply allowed for it so that I could keep going because I have to choose my battles wisely, and sexism in the workplace is not one I forsee winning in my lifetime.

But, goddammit. Between this todays and my manager totally and completely taking over my call yesterday (after telling me repeatedly I need to speak up more, and show more leadership) I'm pretty fed up.

Comments

( 12 comments — Leave a comment )
herself_nyc
Jul. 19th, 2016 09:11 pm (UTC)
Oh God, I feel ya.
shaddyr
Jul. 20th, 2016 01:02 am (UTC)
I'm grateful it's improved from when our mothers had to deal with 19 different kinds of patronizing sexism in their daily lives as a matter of course, but it still needs to get better.
enigmaticblues
Jul. 19th, 2016 09:42 pm (UTC)
We have a patronizing douchebro at work right now who keeps using pet names for people, rather than actual names, but all for people he perceives as "lower status." He's going to get punched in the face one of these days.
shaddyr
Jul. 20th, 2016 01:05 am (UTC)
And when someone snaps and finally punches him, he will be so confused at why they were so upset. Because he was just being friendly/kidding around, and seriously, why don't women have any sense of humor?
snogged
Jul. 19th, 2016 10:29 pm (UTC)
That's very frustrating.
shaddyr
Jul. 20th, 2016 01:06 am (UTC)
Yes. But at least I work remotely and don't have to be in the office to deal with this shit every day, so that's a plus.
lunabee34
Jul. 19th, 2016 10:34 pm (UTC)
Ugh, ugh, ugh.

*kicks him for you*
shaddyr
Jul. 20th, 2016 01:06 am (UTC)
My hero!
trepkos
Jul. 19th, 2016 10:39 pm (UTC)
Hmmm. I think if someone e-mailed "No shit!" to anyone else in my workplace, in an unfriendly way, it would be something you could bring up with HR - possible disciplinary hearing. Maybe that's why he apologised ...
shaddyr
Jul. 20th, 2016 01:08 am (UTC)
Eh, we were on a conference call - I think he's got a better sense of self-preservation than that. But if he had not apologized, or if he'd continued to act like a jerk, I would have hung up.
popkin16
Jul. 20th, 2016 02:59 am (UTC)
I'm sorry you have to deal with that :(

kazzy_cee
Jul. 20th, 2016 05:53 am (UTC)
I think you should choose your battles, but you must challenge sexism as its so ingrained in some men they are just unaware that what they say/do offends. It's not about male/female - it's about respecting colleagues.
( 12 comments — Leave a comment )

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