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Fic: Trouble (SGA)

Title: Trouble (Sequel to Not Your Everyday Care Package
Rating: Past a PG-13, but not an R - what happened to the good old Adult rating?
Characters: McKay/Sheppard and a kitty cat
Genre: humour, pre-slash
Disclaimer: Not mine or the boys would be otherwise occupied…
Word Count: 2694

Summary: Rodney hasn't gotten laid in far too long. And it's starting to affect his judgment.

Also, kitty fic! Psst! For everyone who wants to see, this is Rodney's kitten.

Author Note: Thanks so much to the_cephalopod for late night (early morning?) writing chats, suggestions and support. Also, she is to be commended for making beta reading a priority (what is this *work* you speak of? Read!) As always, remaining errors are my own. Also, thanks for ladyniko for convincing me the ending didn't suck. I hope you enjoy. I'm pretty sure there will be more to come if Ceph has anything to say about it. And she sort of does. So. Here we go!

It had been a good day. The science staff had been working at maximum efficiency, a three week puzzle over a power drain on the east side of the City had been solved and none of the newcomers had done anything stupid enough to merit a dressing down from McKay.

He'd glowered at Kavanaugh's snide comment that they should have gotten him a kitten a year ago, but refused to let the man spoil his good mood. Besides, McKay knew how to remotely hack his laptop, so the next time the little cretin was hooked into the mainframe, any personal files he had on it were going to be posted on the Lantean Intranet before he could so much as blink.

It was Rodney's favourite time of day. He was alone in the lab, nursing his cup of coffee and reviewing the power output simulation Radek and the others had been working on. Setting down his mug, he cupped his chin in his hand while he leaned his elbow on the desk. He studied the simulation running on his laptop as he absentmindedly stroked the tiny calico kitten that was sprawled out beside it.

He spotted a variable that might increase the yield and stopped petting Curie long enough to type in the new numbers and restart the simulation and project it on the large screen in the lab. It started as it had before, only this time the curve was steeper, showing the kind of output that he and Radek had been working toward. Without warning, the simulation went crazy, the power curve dropping and spiking before the program crashed. He gaped at the screen before glancing down to find that the little fur ball had padded on to the laptop keyboard in an attempt to nuzzle under his fingers for more attention.

"You little trouble maker!" he gently scolded as he removed her. "Like the incompetents I've been saddled with don’t already create enough mayhem around here," he admonished, placing her in the crook of his arm. He reached out with his free hand, typing in a command to restart the program and undo the damage she'd caused. The rapid fire purring from the kitten snuggled against him brought a soft smile to his face as he went back to studying the simulation.

"I heard a rumour this morning," drawled a familiar voice from the door of the lab. McKay rolled his eyes with a sigh. He'd been expecting this all day, and Rodney knew he wasn't going to get anything else accomplished until Sheppard came in and poked some fun at his expense. If the situation was reversed, it's what he'd be doing.

"As much as it pains me to admit it, Colonel, the rumour is true."

"You mean they really are making a Star Wars movie starring Jar Jar Binks?"

"What?" McKay stared in confusion before rolling his eyes yet again at Sheppard's very lame attempt at humour.

"Oh, yes, that's hysterical. Not," he shot back with a scowl. "You were, of course, referring to the fact that I was reduced to gibbering idiot when presented with little Miss Curie here last evening in the cafeteria," he went on as he looked down affectionately at the kitten. "So, yes. There was speechlessness, followed by babbling, and possible a high pitched noise that I refuse to call a squeak. Now, if we're all done with the point and snicker fest, I'd like to get back to work."

Sheppard sauntered over and leaned a hip against the lab bench. He crossed his arms and bent forward slightly, peering at the tiny face staring back at him over Rodney's arm. "She's really little, isn't she?"

McKay gave him the you're an idiot look before replying. "She *is* only 8 weeks old."

He stood there and let Sheppard have a good look at her. The colonel made little noises to pique the kitten's curiosity, then tilted his head this way and that, mimicking her movements. When he engaged her in a staring contest, McKay got annoyed. No one could win a staring contest with a cat, it was common knowledge. He was about to point out this obvious fact when he realized that even for Sheppard, this behaviour was *weird*. He narrowed his eyes, observing John's interactions with his kitten (and wasn't it nice to see that he wasn't the only one reduced to idiocy when faced with an adorable ball of fluff) and it suddenly dawned up him that maybe Sheppard wanted to hold her; he just didn't want wuss out and actually have to ask.

Rodney smirked. He wondered how long it would take John to crack.

Sheppard, unsurprisingly, lost the staring contest. He laughed quietly and then reached out, extending his index finger to finally touch the kitten. Before Rodney could say anything to warn him, Miss Curie took a swipe at the digit.

"Ow!" he yelped in surprise, jerking his hand back. Two perfectly symmetrical little furrows were spouting tiny droplets of blood. "Vicious little thing!" John chuckled as he brought the bleeding finger to his mouth to soothe it.

Rodney found himself unable to look away from the sight of Sheppard sucking his fingertip. His mouth went dry as he watched John nurse it for a moment before pulling it out to inspect the injury. An unexpected heat shot through him, settling in his groin as Sheppard flicked his tongue over the skin to clean off a stray drop of blood. McKay realized two things; one, he was staring at Sheppard's mouth; two, he was getting hard. He forced himself to tear his gaze away from John and focused on the kitten instead.

"Actually, that wasn't so bad," Rodney dismissed his complaint, trying not to sound like he'd just found the sight of his best friend sucking on his finger one of the most erotic things he'd ever seen. Clearly, he needed to get laid, and soon. "She was just playing with you. This morning when Radek tried to pet her, I think she actually took a chunk out of his hand." He laughed as he remembered the lab resonating with the strident sounds of Czech invective.

"Sounds like she's the perfect cat for you."

"Hey!" His head snapped up and he gave Sheppard a glare. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Sheppard gave that him his standard aren't I charming grin. "Come on - how many times have you taken a chunk of Zelenka over something? I'm just saying, it looks like she's a good match for you. You're both a little bit temperamental."

McKay scritched the kitten's chin, eliciting a loud purr of approval. "Don't you listen to the goofy flyboy with the stupid hair. He hasn't got a clue what he's talking about."

"You leave my hair out of this!"

"You take no issue with moniker of goofy flyboy, but defend your hair? Sometimes, Colonel, I worry about your priorities."

Despite the battle scars, McKay judged that Sheppard was still hoping for a chance to hold the kitten. He shook his head. Maybe if he handed over Miss Curie for a bit, Sheppard would *leave* and take his far-too-distracting self away from the lab. He had work to do, and it was going to be damn near impossible to concentrate as it was, what with visions of Sheppard sucking on his finger, his tongue licking at the tip swirling around in his head. He felt himself flush, earning an odd look from the Colonel.

"Rodney, you okay?"

He nodded. "Fine, I'm fine," he stammered, feeling increasingly flustered. "So. Uhm. Are you here for a reason, or just to ogle my cat?"

Sheppard waggled his eyebrows, boyish smirk firmly in place. "Anything else around here to ogle?"

He could feel his ears turning red. This was *so* not a conversation that he wanted to be having with Sheppard.

"Actually, I have to, uh, get something from the adjoined lab, and I need both hands, so you hold her for a minute," he babbled, then stepped in close to gently settle the kitten against Sheppard's chest. John's hands came up to support her and brushed against his. It felt, to Rodney, like coming in contact with a live wire, and he yanked his hands away as if burned. He stumbled back a step, then turned on heel and made a beeline for the other lab.

"Uh... Rodney?" He heard the hesitation and concern in Sheppard's voice. "Seriously buddy, are you sure you're okay? You seem a little... jumpy. How much coffee have you had today anyway?"

"I'm *fine*," McKay shot back through gritted teeth as he slumped against the wall of the other lab, breathing in deeply while he tried to steady himself. What in the hell was wrong with him? Sure, he'd always noticed Sheppard was attractive, and sexy, and hey, nothing wrong with that, sexy people are sexy, male or female. It didn't *mean* anything that he would notice a man was good looking. Except this wasn't a man, this was John. And suddenly Rodney wasn't seeing Colonel Sheppard, Military Leader of Atlantis, he was seeing John, the incredibly attractive, sexy man, and good god, this was going to make working together a difficult if he didn't get a handle on it soon. Like right the hell now.

If there was one thing he had come to trust about the Universe, it was that the Universe had a twisted sense of humour. Somebody somewhere was laughing at him right now, he just knew it.

He glanced around until he spied some notes that had been left sitting out. Taking a deep breath, he grabbed them and strode back into the room as though everything was fine and cool and there were no virtually pornographic thoughts going though his mind regarding the colonel.

Rodney settled into a chair a few feet down from Sheppard and made a show of pretending to read the notes he'd retrieved, but he just couldn't seem to make sense of the letters on the page in front of him. He sighed and closed his eyes, lifting one hand to rub his temple as his head slumped forward.

The next moment he was aware the Sheppard was standing right beside him, looking down on him with concern. "McKay." The voice was firm, gentle, and held a smattering of concern.

"Hmmm?" He didn't trust himself to look up at John right now. Since he was obviously losing his mind, there was the very real possibility of stupid words that should not be spoken slipping out of his mouth. Lack of eye contact and monosyllabic responses were the safest options.


Rodney's eyes popped open and he whipped his head around to gawk at Sheppard.

"Excuse me?"

Sheppard took the papers out of McKay's boneless fingers. "You're trying to read this upside down," he pointed out and McKay glanced at said papers to see that they were, in fact, upside down.

"And why are you reading Choi's notes on-" Sheppard paused, studying the report that he held. "I have no idea what the hell these notes are about. But I was sure you told me just last week Choi had theories a 3 year old could poke holes through."

McKay yanked the report away from Sheppard and tossed it on the desk. He wrapped one arm around his middle, brought his other hand to his forehead to pinch the bridge of his nose. The situation was rapidly spiralling out of control and he judged that it was time to beat a strategic retreat. Sleep could very well be the key to resetting his brain's config.sys file and purging the Sheppard finger sucking=erotic command that was currently running.

"You're right. I'm tired. I can't think. I'm going to bed."

"Good choice."

McKay crossed his arms and looked up at John. "And isn't it time for all good little Air Force Colonels to be getting off to bed as well?"

Rodney was sure that the enigmatic smile on Sheppard's face was the kind that kingdoms went to war over, that respected and powerful people sacrificed careers, families and lives for. And since when had he been dazzled by John's smile? He was in *so* much trouble.

"Well, Rodney, you're operating from a false assumption."

McKay cocked an eyebrow, waiting for him to continue.

Sheppard sauntered over and stopped right in front of him. "That statement assumes I'm *good*."

For a moment, McKay sat stunned, a deer in headlights, while John leaned in to him, closer, closer, their faces only inches apart --

-- and handed over Miss Curie. She was very mellow, almost sleeping, and Sheppard settled her as gently as possible on Rodney. It took McKay almost a full second to process that John was NOT going to kiss him. He gave his head a little shake and looked down at the kitten as he lifted his hands up to cradle her against his chest.

Sheppard's hand unexpectedly settled on his shoulder, sending a frisson of warmth through McKay that had little to do with body heat. He felt a slow flush spreading from his toes on up as he slowly lifted his head to meet John's eyes. All he found there was concern.

"Seriously Rodney, go to bed. You're acting weirder than normal, which isn't saying much, I know-"

"Hey! I resent that!"

"-and if I find out that you ignored my polite suggestion, I might be forced tell Carson that you seemed a little peaked lately-"

"You wouldn't DARE!"

"-and you know Carson, with his tests and samples and needles-"

"I hate you, you know that right?"

"-so really, it would be in both of our best interests if you would just go and get some *sleep*, because if you're grounded, the whole team is stuck until Carson clears you."

"Like you wouldn't go offworld without me!"

"Aww, it's just not as much fun without you there whining about the weather, the bugs, the indigenous population's religious beliefs, the food, and the five mile march from the gate-"

"You're a sadist! And also, I hate you."

"So I'd be forced to hang around Atlantis, and then I'd get bored. And you know what happens when I get bored."

"Oh my God, you are twelve!" McKay grumbled as he began the process of shutting down the simulation and securing the lab. "Fine, Colonel Ants-in-your-Pants, last thing I need is to be grounded with a bunch of new scientist who will drive me insane until they figure out how *not* to blow us all to kingdom come while you are hanging around getting underfoot in the lab."

Sheppard chuckled at that, then gave McKay a friendly slap to his arm before removing his hand completely. "Okay. I'm heading off to do a perimeter check before turning in. If I swing back this way and find that you've gotten caught up with something else, I'll drag you out of here and put you to bed myself."

Rodney suppressed the sudden suicidal impulse to ask Sheppard if that was a promise. He limited himself to a simple nod, and watched the Colonel head off down the corridor on the first leg of his nightly sweep. Once he was out of sight, McKay slumped against the lab bench, still in shock at how much the lingering warmth of John's hand on his arm enhanced the state of semi-arousal he was already in. He needed to get to his room, take a long shower, and try to forget that the last hour had ever happened.

He rose from his chair and thought 'off' at the lights as he left the lab. Miss Curie was purring up a storm under his chin as he slowly walked down the hallways to the transporter. He rubbed his cheek against her soft fur. "No more slicing open John's fingers, Little Miss," he admonished quietly. She regarded sleepily, and he found himself reminded of Sheppard in the morning when they were out on a mission, with his sleepy, come hither eyes--

"Oh God!"

Make that a cold shower.

He was in so much trouble.


( 43 comments — Leave a comment )
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Nov. 17th, 2007 04:23 am (UTC)
Hee! Very cute. Poor Rodney. XD

...Sequel? *puppy kitty eyes*
Nov. 17th, 2007 06:05 am (UTC)
Hee! I am glad you enjoyed!

I have a feeling there will be more. the_cephalopod will make sure of it. *grin*
(Deleted comment)
Nov. 17th, 2007 06:09 am (UTC)
Well, thank you kindly! I am so glad that you enjoyed!

I am sure that there will be a sequel coming up sometime in the near future.
Nov. 17th, 2007 04:49 am (UTC)
Very cute, I'm hoping for a sequel as well.
Nov. 17th, 2007 06:10 am (UTC)
I'm glad that you enjoyed! There certainly seems to be a lot of interest in seeing more, so I guess I'll have to get that arranged!
Nov. 17th, 2007 05:03 am (UTC)
Yes, there must be more. Poor Currie, wondering why the furless giganticat is abusing his tail so much in that rain-room.
I wonder if John's aware of how much he's affecting Rodney. *VBEG*
Heh. Prolly not.
Sequel soon, please!
Nov. 17th, 2007 05:40 am (UTC)
Poor Currie, wondering why the furless giganticat is abusing his tail so much in that rain-room.

I had to read this twice, and think about it, and then...



OMG, I never even thought about a fic from the kitten's perspective. Now that would be some kind of funny!

And, no. John in this is Oblivious!John, with no idea at. all. Rodney is going to have to hit this boy with a clue by four if he wants John to get it.
Nov. 17th, 2007 05:59 am (UTC)
Heeee! Love it.!
Nov. 17th, 2007 06:11 am (UTC)
Thank you! I'm so glad you had fun!
Nov. 17th, 2007 06:39 am (UTC)
" - Rodney's Kitten."
" - Houston from Tranquility Base; the 'Awwwww...' - meter reading is off the scale... "
Nov. 18th, 2007 07:18 am (UTC)
Re: " - Rodney's Kitten."
Yes, it is a very cute kitty, innit?
Nov. 17th, 2007 08:27 am (UTC)
I *love* how you ended it - just perfect!! And the kitten is adorable!



Nov. 18th, 2007 07:19 am (UTC)
Hee! I am so glad that you approve!

I am toying with where to go next, but I think you are I were talking about graphs and spreadsheets and flow charts, n'est pas?

Empirical evidence, that's what it's all about as far as Rodney is concerned.
(no subject) - (Anonymous) - Nov. 18th, 2007 08:05 am (UTC) - Expand
Oops! - the_cephalopod - Nov. 18th, 2007 09:16 am (UTC) - Expand
Re: Oops! - shaddyr - Nov. 18th, 2007 09:19 am (UTC) - Expand
Nov. 17th, 2007 09:47 am (UTC)

Okay, missy, you've just earned yourself a lifetime of squees. If there's one thing I cannot get enough of, it's kittens. Aww, I remember when my kitty was just a baby Curie's age, too... *sigh*

I suppose I should just be glad I don't run important simulations on my computer, because he's just as troublesome. While I was typing he pushed his face up under my hand.

So, big wet kisses from me and my Mo for writing adorable kitten fic! (also, loved John not being good and innocently threatening to put Rodney to bed himself, and Rodney hoping to reset his brain made my inner comp.geek happy)
Anneko, crazy cat lady
Nov. 18th, 2007 07:38 am (UTC)
Okay, missy, you've just earned yourself a lifetime of squees.

That's so COOL! ::does a happy dance::

Honestly, I couldn't think of anything more melty than Rodney and a sweet little kitty cat.

I suppose I should just be glad I don't run important simulations on my computer, because he's just as troublesome. While I was typing he pushed his face up under my hand.

Ha! Mine do the same thing! Little Miss Sally (our tortie) will just crawl right up my leg and in my face, on the laptop, whatever. She gives me this "Hello, it's all about me, what could you possibly be doing that tops that" look. Heh.

::smooches you back::

I am happy you enjoyed. And of *course* John would make some darkly flirtatious remark about not being good, totally oblivious of the effect it was having on Rodney, and seriously - I could *so* see him telling his good friend to go to bed or else.

I do adore Oblivious!John, I must admit. He never. Sees it. Coming. Never. It's really kind of endearing.

Oh! I'm happy that you liked the reset line! I thought of saying something about needing to rewrite his autoexec.bat file, but that I realized that a lot of folks today don't even remember booting up a computer and starting from a dos prompt, so it probably wouldn't have been as funny. *grin* Glad it gave your inner compy!geek a smile!
Nov. 17th, 2007 12:55 pm (UTC)
I love Rodney the cat lover.

Heh. Poor Rodney and his new obsession, though. :D Very much looking forward to further installments!
Nov. 18th, 2007 07:44 am (UTC)
I agree - I totally buy Rodney as a cat person. DH can keep Mars - they seem very happy together, but for me, dogs are just other people's pets; sometimes amusing, don't want one of my own, thanks. I *adore* cats.

I think Rodney is going to be obsessed with trying to figure out exactly what is going on with him - is it just the need to get laid, sexual frustration? Does he really have heretofore unrealized homosexual tendencies? Or is it just *John*? Cuz I think Rodney is a scientist first and foremost, and presented with hard data garnered from reproducible test criteria, he'll accept the inevitable with a minimum of freak out.

John, however, may not be quite so sanguine about the idea...

Nov. 17th, 2007 08:37 pm (UTC)

So cute and sexy! Methinks that John knows exactly what he is doing, driving Rodney wild. Miss Curie is also doing her part.
Nov. 18th, 2007 07:48 am (UTC)
I am glad you enjoyed!

Well... I think that John is aware that he brings on the fluster with McKay. He knows he gets a rise out of him with teasing, and he can make him blush at odd times, and he may even on some level be flirting in the sense that john flirts with *everything* even the lightbulbs, because he can't help it. It's kind of like breathing for him, that little boy innocent "I'm so cute" charm.

In this particular instance, he is not aware of the sexual nature of the reaction that Rodney is having. However... this fact is subject to change, and is likely to change soon. Shep's in for a bit of an awakening I think.
Nov. 19th, 2007 06:09 pm (UTC)
you are EVIL!

I had never watched SGA before, but then I read some of your fic, and had to watch it, and of course SciFi channel is running a mini marathon this morning, so I'm watching it, and I have no clue who anyone is, but I'm LOVING it. So now I have a new obsession ... thanks a lot you evil evil evil woman you.

Nov. 19th, 2007 10:14 pm (UTC)
Yes I am evil, thanks for noticing!

::does the happy dance::

I am *thrilled* beyond the telling of it to know that something *I* wrote had anything at all to do with the corruption initiation of another victim fan into the Atlantis fold!

You want some crack fic recs, my dear?
Nov. 22nd, 2007 05:14 am (UTC)
"Sleep could very well be the key to resetting his brain's config.sys file and purging the Sheppard finger sucking=erotic command that was currently running."

Dec. 7th, 2007 08:48 am (UTC)
Re: ong!

My inner geek would not be denied. And Rodney would so *totally* think like that, you know he would!
Re: ong! - gabfic - Feb. 7th, 2009 04:36 am (UTC) - Expand
Dec. 3rd, 2007 06:02 am (UTC)
Aww, I quite enjoyed that. Heh, John is quite the unwitting cocktease, isn't he? Not that that's anything new. XD

Plus, kitties are cute. *melts*
Dec. 7th, 2007 08:52 am (UTC)
Hee! Let me try to see if I can frame this as an equation;

John(cocktease) + (Kitty+cuteness) = adorkable Rodney spazing

Yes, this is the kind of algebra I can live with.

Glad you enjoyed!
Dec. 6th, 2007 04:51 pm (UTC)
Hi! *waves* I beta'd The Trouble with Kittens for Cep and I just thought I'd drop by and check out the original stories. Rodney + kitten = so much love! Also, who would not find John sucking his finger hot? *drools*
Dec. 7th, 2007 08:55 am (UTC)
Hi! Thanks for coming to read! I am so glad that Cep is playing with Miss Curie too!

Also, who would not find John sucking his finger hot? *drools*

Wordy McWord on that one. Hot like a hot thing covered in hot chili sauce if you ask me. And you can ask me, because I have Joe Flannigan's pants!

And that made absolutely no sense, I know. Just disregard the last, and thanks for letting me know that you enjoyed!
Dec. 6th, 2007 06:59 pm (UTC)
Oh god! *giggle* Cold shower indeed. Great McKay inner thoughts and loved the 'Sheppard finger sucking=erotic' line. And who can go wrong with a kitten! :)
Dec. 7th, 2007 08:57 am (UTC)
*YAY!* I am so happy everyone loves that line, because it was my favourite one to write in the whole story! *grin*

Thanks for letting me know you enjoyed it!
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