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My daughter, who has a DA account, and is involved in some fannish related stuff there, is a co-mod for some large club over there. As a lot of them are teens and young adults, it is unsurprising that there is angst and moments of emo involved in running such a club, sometimes far beyond the wank I've seen in my personal experience with fic writing circles.

Sunday night, however, it went a bazillion miles past wank and angst and emo. My daughter came downstairs in tears to tell me that one of the young men in her group had committed suicide. It sounds like there were a number of factors involved, but it boiled down to pressure, insecurity, family stuff and his girl friend breaking up with him (from what I could tell) right before the holidays.

Sadly, it was confirmed by people who knew him in real life that this was not a prank and had actually happened.

It's not like they were best pals, but he was one of her (as she affectionately refers to them) idiots, and she's kinda like 'house mom' since the other people running it are guys - she gives the club the 'girl' touch.

Jazzy was so angry, feeling like it's the girlfriend's fault, and I had to explain to her that no, no matter what another person said or did, they didn't make the one who takes the pills or jumps of the building or pulls the trigger do it. It's the choice of the person who kills themselves. Maybe they are too sick to know better. Maybe they don't have the support they need. Maybe... well, there are a lot of maybes. No one will ever really know, and it's too late.

It's just fucked up that people have to feel so hopeless about their lives that they don't even want to live them anymore, and it makes me terribly sad that this boy took his own life. And even though I don't know who he was, I just want to speak out to my friends, and tell anyone who feels like they are the least, the last, the lost and the nearly dead, don't give up. There are people who care.

So then - last night. Not nearly as depressing, but icing on the proverbial cake. I got home really late from work, to find her upstairs crying while Girly Girl and Monkey Boy are busy making up eggnog cookies from the dough she made for them. This time, it's her boyfriend.

I should state that her b/f is a guy she met in this club, so:
a) they met online
b) they have never met in person
c) they live in different countries
d) his parents DO NOT APPROVE
e) she's about 3 years older than him
f) I don't totally disapprove, but I don't endorse it
g) I find it really hard to take online relationships seriously at the best of times

ETA: I should add here that it's NOT that I don't believe in them - heck, my cousin met a guy from Holland on ICQ something like 10 years ago and they ended up getting married, and have lived happily ever after. I just take it with a grain of salt, cuz romatical type relationships online are a lot easier than REAL ones where you have to actually, you know, *deal* with another human being, face to face like.

Anyway. it sounds like he broke up with her (or is going to - it's a little vague) and she's a wreck. So I hugged her and told her I loved her and we watched Armageddon last night. because feel-good, over-the-top, save the world movies where the characters have lots of funny one-liners and get to blow lots of shit up always make *ME* feel better. It worked on her too.

(Also, I don't care HOW much everyone thinks that movie a) sucked and B) is majorly lame, I LOVE IT! So SHUT UP.)

Meh. I need to hear about something happy. Something life affirming. Something hopeful. Talk to me, FList.


( 9 comments — Leave a comment )
Dec. 16th, 2009 01:48 am (UTC)
Bang-bang shoot-'em up movies are very cathartic. It doesn't have to be good to be entertaining, distracting and mood-elevating. Good call, mom!

Today, at work, the story we were reading had a major theme in which the meaning of the character's name had a big impact on how he relates to others in the story. So, I looked up the meanings of the names of all of my students, and as an opener to the story, shared them with the kids.

I talked about how parents looked at baby name books to find the perfect name to match their children. So, the kids looked at their identities in a new way when they heard that their names meant things like "Raven, the Bird of Wisdom," and "Anthem of Victory from the Holy Mountain" and "Beautiful as a Butterfly" and "Famous" and "Beloved by God" and "Precious Gift" and "Fairest Child of the Sea" and "Fire Blossoms on the Meadow" and "Victory" and "Crowned" and "A Balm for all Wounds" or "Dark-Haired Warrior" - all strong, positive images for them.

In each class, all of the students looked very thoughtful. Many were clearly enchanted with their names' meanings, which they hadn't known before. And several stated, as if with a new thought, that their momma must have really loved them to choose names that were so full of meaning for them. (Although one teased that her mom ought to have expected trouble, having named her a name that meant "Riotous Tumult Resulting in Victory")

It was a nice tangent therapeutic lesson for them. My students left in happier space than they entered, with positive thoughts about their families. (So, having never done this before, I have a note in the teacher's edition to do it again!)
Dec. 16th, 2009 01:50 am (UTC)
And I like this story so much, I think I'll post it on my site, too. Hugs to you and jazzy girl.
Dec. 16th, 2009 02:13 am (UTC)
God, this is so hard. It's a hard thing at any age; particularly when you're younger.

You're a good mom.
Dec. 16th, 2009 02:41 am (UTC)

Both to you and your daughter. I'm so sorry to hear about her online friend and teh!bf. Both of my younger kids (and me) have extremely strong and viable friendships with people they've never met in rl. Through gaming and fandom interests, I know that we would be as mad and hurt and sad.


And Armageddon is an awesome movie. One of my favorite to watch every time it's on. And I cry. Every. Damn. Time. :)

Dec. 16th, 2009 03:09 am (UTC)
You're really good at 'splainin' stuff to your kids. Wish I was that good. I have many online relationships that go back more than a decade and feel just as strongly about them as I do about the people I know face-to-face.

No good stories here; sorry. Loved the one from judifilksign. I just sat home dubbing tapes for my daughter and my (virtual) friend in AB. I DO love any of Bruce Willis' loud movies, and that one is one of my favs, too. But the song always gets me tearing up.

Dec. 16th, 2009 05:44 am (UTC)
Being a young adult sucks boulders. My son could compare notes with her.

Also, tell her to rent a game like Zombie Infestation (or some adrenalin pumping game like that) so she can blow shit up and kill lots of undead people. It's very cathartic when zombie brains splatter on your screen. Has helped me heaps the past two weeks.

And give her a hug from me. Tell her the doctor ordered you to do it.

Happy? SGU started here. That should make you happy.
Dec. 16th, 2009 05:58 am (UTC)
Awww man, poor jazzy girl. :(

You guys should watch 2012 together. It's hilariously bad/awesome/explody.
Dec. 16th, 2009 06:35 am (UTC)
I agree with the others: you're a good mom. Breakups are rough at any age.

As for something happy, I made it through a day consisting mostly of interacting with people, and found it basically enjoyable (though unexpectedly tiring). And the moles on my back that Colleen was worried about are _not_ skin cancer.
Dec. 18th, 2009 08:52 am (UTC)
Sympathies. Here's hoping Jazz isn't singing the blues too long.
( 9 comments — Leave a comment )


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