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In 1991, I was living in a 1 bedroom apartment in New West. A lot of other low-income single moms were in the same building. It was a fairly decent area with a reasonable number of amenities and an almost affordable rent and, after a time, we turned into a community of sorts.

The building was shaped like a lowercase 'h' with a courtyard-like space surrounded by the three sides. There was a sandbox and a picnic table, with a little grassy hill and concrete flat top at the center - the roof of the underground parking.

There were a group of us who would come outside with our kids and sit at the picnic table and drink coffee and chat while the kids played in the sandbox, rode their little trikes on the flat top and generally had a good time. As difficult as it was to be a single parent on income assistance and try to make ends meet - there was always somewhere that I was robbing Peter to pay Paul - it was a time I look back at fondly, because I had the chance to be at home with Jazzy when she was little, I got to attend some parent support groups and get some therapy I desperately needed. It was also wonderful having a little group solidarity right there under my nose. Serena, Wendy, Lynn, Chris, Pam - single moms in the same situation as me. We traded of child care, helped each other out, cried on each others shoulders - I've lost touch with all of them now, and I miss them greatly.

One of the gals had a friend who had a cousin who moved out to BC and brought his friend with the promise that there would be good paying work with an uncle. These guys and their friends ended up hanging out with the group of single moms, and I got to know the friend of a friend of a friend.

Well, long story short, that guy became my roomie, and since two adults and a kid in a one bedroom doesn't work out well for long, we ended up moving into a three bedroom place. We lived together for about 5 years all told before going our separate ways, but remaining in touch.

Roomie taught me that I could be friends with a guy who wasn't just out to use me or hurt me. He taught me that some men really aren't just after getting laid. He taught me that just because you fight with someone you love, it doesn't mean that everything has to explode into a million pieces and devolve into screaming, and mental/physical abuse.

Roomie taught me to trust again. And he served as a father figure for Jazzy girl, loving her, being firm with her, treating her like family, even to this day. He was at many birthdays, and he came to her grad.

A couple years ago, right after his mom died, roomie got really sick. Like *incredibly* scary sick, could-have-died sick, was afraid for his own life sick. He was off work for a couple months which lead to some financial crap happen, and he went back to Regina to work there for a couple months. in hopes of getting it all resolved. That was in fall of 2008.

He called on Sunday. He's finally got stuff squared away, and in a month. He's finally coming home. He's going to be a bit late for Jazzy's 21st birthday, but better late than never.

Roomie is probably the main reason that I don't think I'll ever get married. I mean, granted, my head was massively fucked up after things went south with ex, but when I really look at it all, I want someone who will treat me like roomie did. I want someone *like* roomie. And I have never, in my life, met another human being like him. Well, except for Roomie-bro 1, 2 and 3. They're all scarily alike to be honest. But roomie is the best of the lot. I love him. And he loves me, and we can tell each other that and be perfectly sincere and man. I didn't even really how much I missed him till I started thinking about the fact he's coming home, OMG he's coming HOME!!

The only other person on this planet that I feel like this about (besides my children, but that's a different thing altogether) is AlabamaBro. So I guess it just goes to show that you *can* choose your family. And you can have and incredible depth of intimacy that has nothing at all to do with sex.

I'm so happy. In a zen, Teyla-smiling kinda way. Roomie's coming home.

Comments

( 9 comments — Leave a comment )
chrisjournal
Mar. 2nd, 2010 01:11 am (UTC)
Oh man. I'm SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!! (I met AlabamaBro,and if I didn't think I knew what you meant before that comparison, well, I think I do now).

You know, I sure wish we lived closer. You and me, we share a lot more than fen-activities.
enigmaticblues
Mar. 2nd, 2010 03:22 am (UTC)
I get that kind of relationship, to a certain extent. There was a guy I was very close to who taught me those same lessons, and it was really an amazing experience. I'm so glad he's coming home! And I'm so glad he was there when you needed him.
itsjustgwen
Mar. 2nd, 2010 03:23 am (UTC)
I'm happy for you.
lunabee34
Mar. 2nd, 2010 04:28 am (UTC)
I'm happy for you.
mdlbear
Mar. 2nd, 2010 04:37 am (UTC)
I've had a couple of that kind of relationship; they're wonderful.
tempestuouspixy
Mar. 2nd, 2010 04:43 am (UTC)
That. Right there is the BEST fucking example of what family is.

Sorry for the f bomb, it just hits a nerve with me, because my blood family has no clue who I am, but my real family (my husband and our friends) knows me and loves me.
mystic_winds
Mar. 2nd, 2010 06:36 am (UTC)
Yay! Best type of relationship to have in your life. Very glad that he is coming home. Jazzy will be happy too I bet.
banjoplayinnerd
Mar. 2nd, 2010 06:06 pm (UTC)
Glad to hear this. Thanks for sharing with us.
limerickgirl
Mar. 2nd, 2010 07:41 pm (UTC)
This is wonderful news, hon! And I love that you have someone like that in your life, that kind of genuine love. My circumstances were very similar when my children were little - having wonderful friends like that when you're on your own makes all the difference. *hugs*
( 9 comments — Leave a comment )

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