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Leaving on a Jet Plane - OVFF rocked!

Headed back to Vancouver today. Am sitting in the Columbus Airport, which is civilized and has free WIFI. I appreciate this and give it the Shaddyr Stamp of Approval. I have finally had some time to process the experience that was OVFF.

So first off. I was terrified. I even kind of surprised myself when I realized how scared I was. See, I've been singing in front of crowds since I was in kindergarten - I vaguely remember singing a solo in some class thing in Thompson when I was no more than 4 years old. I was wearing a yellow dress my mother made and my grandfather came out to watch it.

I've been in countless number of choir performances and done solos at talent shows; I used to do Karaoke every Saturday night for a couple years straight. I did one concert before, a few years back, at Norwescon and wasn't nearly as freaked out - but I went in the room expecting to find 10-12 people that I knew and discovered a room 3/4 full with mostly people I didn't recognize. Good thing I didn't know because I didn't have time to worry. I don't really remember anything about the concert other than losing feeling in my fingers at the end and feeling like I was totally screwing up, but hsifyppah assured me that I looked very confident.

This was very different. I had 2 years to get used to the idea. It was only the last few months I started to get nervous. It was only 2 days before I started to panic. But when u_must_b_joking and I walked down to the auditorium, I was seriously starting to lose my cool. And OMG, thank god she was there, because she save my sanity. I could not have done it without her, I kid you not.

All I really remember between getting there and about 1/2 hour after the concert as snatches. runnerwolf letting me sit beside her and crush her hand. Trace telling me I would be fine. pondside hugging me. I know there were other people there, cuz I remember multiple hugs and encouragement, but god help me, I couldn't tell you who they were or what they said to save my life. There were tears, not the sobbing kind, just the too-many-feelings kind. When I get emotionally overwhelmed (anger, happiness, nerves) I tear up. I HATE THAT ABOUT ME but that's just how it is. I couldn't stop it, just try to breath through it.

I had one moment of extreme, incipient panic when I was seriously considering turning around and walking out, but Trace had my guitar and grabbed my hand and literally pulled up on the stage. And then it was time and I had to think about the book and tuning and mics and the set list and I wasn't so panicked anymore.

Also it helped that vixyish and hsifyppah were sitting in the front row, smiling at me and being all encouraging. On the other side, pondside and solomons_pond were doing the same, and suddenly it was like being at pondfilk again and I could do it.

I was totally blown away when mysticfig told me they had been and my concert and that I'd done a good job. I didn't see them, but then again, I wasn't tracking a whole lot outside the very front rows. It was very flattering to hear that since I consider them some of the most talented people in filk.

At one point during open filk, the lovely and talented quadrivium indulged me by letting me steal her away and play Sarcasm and Snark for her. I blame her song "Good Guys gone Bad" for inspiring it in the first place, so I really wanted her to hear it. billroper tagged along when I abducted her - I've never really had the chance to meet him before, and he proved to be a lovely and sweet gentleman.

admnaismith and I have been at the same place at the same time many times (Orycon, Conflikt, Pondfilk) but have never really connected or sat down and chatted. We had a lovely chat on Sunday night wherein he advised me that he had been every bit as nervous as I felt and it was an instant little bit of camaraderie that made me feel happy as to me, he always appears as eminently professional and absolutely confident. Also, he gives good hugs.

At the Pegasus dinner, I got to sit with phillip2637, janeg, sexybass, Sue, and another lovely couple from Toronto. It was very amusing when I realized that we were the All Canadian Table.

I've spent the last few days with pondside, solomons_pond, rms_butterfly, fuzzyvanman and Em. And many, many cats. It has been lovely, but far too short. We got to have dinner with Trace, judifilksign and Sparkle last night, which I enjoyed greatly. They introduced me to Jeni's Ice Cream, which is made of awesome sauce and win.

I have more in my head, but it is all a mushed up jumble. And also, time to catch the plane. So. More later.

Uhm. I had a good time, but I think that is apparent.

Comments

( 12 comments — Leave a comment )
maverick_weirdo
Oct. 26th, 2011 11:03 pm (UTC)
You survived!
I'm glad that people had your back.
em_kellesvig
Oct. 27th, 2011 12:02 am (UTC)
Yay! I'm glad it went so well for you and that you had a good time -- that you recall. *hugs*
pondside
Oct. 27th, 2011 12:29 am (UTC)
You were great -- I was so happy to see you up there -- very proud of you!!!

I think that you did a fab job and look forward to many more people becoming aware of the awesome that is our Shad,

I wrote a con report this morning that got tossed into the ether... (thank you Scamper, cat of doom) but it said many happy things about you and other friends and fen that brighten our lives.
judifilksign
Oct. 27th, 2011 12:31 am (UTC)
Your concert was lovely, and you sang beautifully and clearly, making it easier to sign!
sgamadison
Oct. 27th, 2011 01:30 am (UTC)
It sounds like you had a super-fantastic time and an amazing experience! So, are there pictures? :-)

It seems like you were just leaving and now you're back. That sounds way too short to me! *nods firmly*
admnaismith
Oct. 27th, 2011 01:49 am (UTC)
You, my golden-throated friend, came through like a trooper.

Edited at 2011-10-27 01:49 am (UTC)
peteralway
Oct. 27th, 2011 01:50 am (UTC)
Often I feel that Friday nights at cons are kind of a bust, and I turn in early in a state of frustration. So it was great that I got to spend an hour or two swapping songs with you--it made the whole con experience warmer and fuzzier.

Alas I didn't get to the front row for your concert, but I caught the whole thing and it was great. You have such a fantastic voice, and write such fine songs that the whole thing was a pleasure. And pondside slipped me a bonus shaddyr souvenier--a copy of you singing "Champion" to her fancy backing track. It's a really beautiful piece of work that I've been listening to repeatedly.

At no point did you look or sound like you were screwing up.

So when do I get to hear you in concert again?
enigmaticblues
Oct. 27th, 2011 02:23 am (UTC)
*hugs* Also, yay! I'm glad you made it through!
mdlbear
Oct. 27th, 2011 02:58 am (UTC)
Wish I'd been there!

I had a similar experience with my Interfilk concert -- I don't think it's at all unusual.
tarkrai
Oct. 27th, 2011 05:22 am (UTC)
OVFF was the first (and so far only) place I've had "terrified in my boots" stage fright. I've thought about it quite a bit, and I think its because you're playing for family. Not just family like Pondfilk- but The Family. The ones you *really* care about how they think of you. And if you screw up- you're doomed for life... (not true, but hey- the monkey brain doesn't really respond well to logic now, does it?)

Everything I've heard tells me that you did a *FANTASTIC* job- and you found new family to boot! :) *hugs*
jenk
Oct. 27th, 2011 06:25 am (UTC)
Yay! Glad you had a good time!
hsifyppah
Oct. 27th, 2011 06:55 am (UTC)
You were FANTASTIC. Toldjasotoldjasotoldjaso. *bratbratbrat*
( 12 comments — Leave a comment )

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