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Random life dump post.

Forgive me, LJ, for I have strayed. It has been over a month since my last post. (well, except for the wee one earlier today, but that hardly counts...)

It's not like my life is amazingly busy or full to bursting, really - I'm just, by my very nature, likely to become mired in my own tangled thoughts, a prisoner of inertia. Also, I'm very lazy. It's quite sad.

I've also come to realize it takes me a lot longer to recharge than it used to. I was pretty much on empty after conflikt even though I wasn't responsible for *anything* this year. All I had to do was go. mercury973 chauffeured me around everywhere. And yet, I was still wiped out after. I must be getting old or something. What the hell, dude? I didn't sign up for that!

I've managed make music with u_must_b_joking a few times since the con. A couple times Paul was there too, and even capnblackberry once! Ah, sweet music. Heh -I'm so glad she's on a Stargate kick right now - it means I'm not the ONLY one writing Stargate filks!

Other than that, I've found myself isolating in a way I haven't in a long time. I went to one Browncoats meetup, and got together with pa_fangirl for coffee a couple times, but I've just really been shying away from people. I've had to force myself to committee meetings and GMs, board meetings I'm committed to, and I just don't want to go.I'ts a little weird. Almost disturbing, but I can't really bring myself to care enough to be worried.

I think I'm a funk. Not really depressed, but just - well, my give-a-damn is pretty close to busted, y'know? I've got a lot on my mind - the kids (good lord, how is girlygirl old enough to graduate this year, dammit?) money (there's never enough) bills (there are always too many) and the job (cuz the moment you think you're secure, things get SNAFUed)
I know worry doesn't fix anything, and there are some things I just need to get off my arse and make a plan about.

*snort* Riiiiight. And heeeeere's the internet! Oooh! Shiny distraction, how pretty you are!

On the far more fun and distracted side of my brain, OMG I FINISHED A STORY BEFORE THE DUE DATE! *dies of shock* No seriously, this never happens! My Still In Love fest fic isn't due till March 28th and IT'S DONE!

And also, I was able to re-purpose my 2010 NaNo project to dovetail perfectly with the lovely, fabulous art work I won for my sgareversebang story (by velocitygrass, and dear GOD, it's amazing, beautiful, fabulous - did I mention this is the 3rd year in a ROW that I have gotten my #1 pick for artwork? SQUEEE!) And I've already written almost 2K of new material for it as well as reworked a bunch of the old stuff - it's been sitting there for a year, and when I pulled it out and read it, I still liked it and it was perfect! So. I'm happy. And I have till JUNE to finish that, YAY! *happy dances*

Anyway. In case anyone happened to be wondering. I didn't actually fall off the planet, though it may have seemed that way. I was just - hibernating. Yeah. That's it.

Comments

( 26 comments — Leave a comment )
sgamadison
Mar. 20th, 2012 12:25 pm (UTC)
I think I'm a funk. Not really depressed, but just - well, my give-a-damn is pretty close to busted, y'know? I've got a lot on my mind - the kids (good lord, how is girlygirl old enough to graduate this year, dammit?) money (there's never enough) bills (there are always too many) and the job (cuz the moment you think you're secure, things get SNAFUed)
I know worry doesn't fix anything, and there are some things I just need to get off my arse and make a plan about.


I hear you on this. And after dealing with one set of bad news after another, I can tell you that it is extremely wearing. It is also possible to be depressed about situational things without being clinically depressed to the point of needing medication. Either way, it sucks the energy right out of you. You might want to get checked out by a doctor though and make sure there is nothing *physically* wrong with you though--anemia, diabetes, worms... ooops, sorry, that would be if you were a *cat*. :-)

I can also tell you that after dealing with crap for a long time--one bit of hopeful, OMG-this-would-change-everything-if-I-can-pull-it-off news feels like you've been released from the mountainside and the vultures are no longer picking at your liver.

So hang in there, kid.
mercury973
Mar. 20th, 2012 05:13 pm (UTC)
HUGSHUGSHUGSHUGS to you. Life can be a pain in the arse at times. Come out to the con next month and I'll buy you a drink we can vent.

mercury973
Mar. 20th, 2012 05:13 pm (UTC)
Oops that was to go to Shaddyr. =)
shaddyr
Mar. 20th, 2012 07:30 pm (UTC)
Message received. Plan on it, woman! It'll be damn good to see you!
sgamadison
Mar. 20th, 2012 09:43 pm (UTC)
I kinda figured that! *grins*
shaddyr
Mar. 20th, 2012 06:26 pm (UTC)
The one thing that goes throug my mind everytime I talk to you is that you live too damn far away, because I would *so* be getting together for coffee with you on aregular basis if we lived in the same locale.

Thanks. I know the shit you have been dealing with yourself, so I really appreciate what youhave to say - cuz more than most, I know you've been there and you know what it's like to live in the shitstorm.

Thanks, hon.
sgamadison
Mar. 20th, 2012 09:55 pm (UTC)
The one thing that goes throug my mind everytime I talk to you is that you live too damn far away, because I would *so* be getting together for coffee with you on aregular basis if we lived in the same locale.

That would completely rock, you know. I wouldn't drink coffee, but I'd get hopped up on tea and then I'd persuade you to teach me your songs so I could sing along with you guys. *frustrated actress/singer here*

Thanks. I know the shit you have been dealing with yourself, so I really appreciate what youhave to say - cuz more than most, I know you've been there and you know what it's like to live in the shitstorm.

I'm always conscious of how things could be (and ARE) so much worse for most of my f-list. I have my health (such as it is), I have a job (several, as none of them pay squat), I have a great guy (no qualifiers here, he really *is* awesome), and everyone/thing I care about is mostly okay. So that makes me feel like the worst whiner if I am freaking out about how to pay the bills, or something like that. I'm learning to cut myself a little slack in that regard though.

Worry is worry. It doesn't matter what you're worried about--the effects on your heart and soul are the same.

And being able to vent? Priceless. :-)
shaddyr
Mar. 21st, 2012 09:21 pm (UTC)
Isn't there some kind of get together a bunch of you SGA folks have in October? Are you doing it again this year? I would be so up for that if I could pull the funds together, and I would bring my guitar!
sgamadison
Mar. 21st, 2012 11:21 pm (UTC)
I know what you mean about the funds thing--at one point we discussed a rotating location on Squee Weekend so that more people from different parts of the country would have a greater chance of coming, but what it boiled down to was choosing a location that was convenient to the most people while also being affordable, within walking distance of a store, having the option of cooking in the rooms, having rooms large enough to hang out in, etc.

We chose October because South Carolina is still really nice at that time of year (much nicer than mid-summer, in fact!) To my knowledge, everyone is up for doing it again--but I know that several of us also have Big Things that are going to keep plans up in the air for a while--we haven't really talked about when/if we're going to be able to pull it off this year. But it would be awesome to have you! Everyone who can come is welcome--here's the post that Neeve put up last year about it. I think she reserved a block of rooms at a discounted rate for a 'writer's conference' (which is certainly how it went down on my taxes! ;-)

neevebrody was our main organizer last year. I don't know if she's up for organizing it again this year--I have to say, I pretty much came and let them feed me peeled grapes all weekend--if I manage to come again (and I really, really want to--it will depend on when it is) then I will have to do much more to help out so I won't feel so guilty!

Tell you what: if it looks like it's going to be a go, I'll be sure to give you a heads up, okay? :-)
neevebrody
Mar. 24th, 2012 01:27 am (UTC)
Hey, I'm just jumping in here to say that more than likely we'll be doing the Squee Weekend again - just not sure on the timeline as yet, but we usually try to give about 6 months notice for planing (and saving) purposes. And you, my dear, are more than welcome... gosh, if we could get you and outsideth3box there, I'd be a very happy camper! I'll be sure to let you know once we've got a plan for this year.

Oh, and good luck with your ReverseBang story. There was so much awesome art, I can't wait to see what all the authors do with it.
shaddyr
Mar. 28th, 2012 05:02 pm (UTC)
I missed your comment somehow!

I tell you the truth; if you are having anotherget together, I will do everything in my power to make it. That doesn't mean I will get there, but I will try!
enigmaticblues
Mar. 20th, 2012 12:57 pm (UTC)
Glad to see you!

I know what you mean about shying away from human contact. I get that way sometimes, too, and once I've had a chance to recharge, I'm ready for people again. *big hugs*

Good luck with the sgareversebang! I had the stomach flu during sign-ups, and I decided I couldn't do the available artworks justice. OTOH, I'm nearly done with that big honkin' SG-1/SGA fic, so. There's that. :-)
shaddyr
Mar. 20th, 2012 07:35 pm (UTC)
*hugs back*

Thanks! I need to catch you on IM sometime soon and talk about fic. And stuff. Cuz I like talking to you and it is higly relevant to my interests to do it more often. *nods* Yis.
enigmaticblues
Mar. 20th, 2012 07:50 pm (UTC)
Yes, we do! I have a couple of fic ideas that need someone else to poke them so they work. Besides, I like talking to you, too. *g*
mdlbear
Mar. 20th, 2012 02:35 pm (UTC)
I don't think you have to sign up for getting old. Comes as part of the package. Kinda like the B side of a single.
shaddyr
Mar. 20th, 2012 07:36 pm (UTC)
Darn!

That was not the package I meant to buy! Can I trade it in for a better one?
u_must_b_joking
Mar. 20th, 2012 03:26 pm (UTC)
Vitamin D
And def triff come to my place on Friday, we will sing our brains out. Not that I'll wear out a set of neurons on THAT trip....
shaddyr
Mar. 20th, 2012 08:14 pm (UTC)
Re: Vitamin D
Music at your place Friday. Check.

I warn you that I may bring you the short story I just wrote nd leave it with you to request feedback.
mackenziesmomma
Mar. 20th, 2012 04:48 pm (UTC)
I think I'm a funk. Not really depressed, but just - well, my give-a-damn is pretty close to busted, y'know?

Oh how I relate. I have been in a funk myself thanks to everything crazy.

I know its not much but *giant squooshy hugs*
shaddyr
Mar. 20th, 2012 08:15 pm (UTC)
Skooshy hugs are good. I will totally take those!
thedeej
Mar. 20th, 2012 06:02 pm (UTC)
hey since you are the local filk Queen, do you know of any filk collections for Ukelele? thinking of busting it out for VCON or a house filk to go with my percussion repertoire
shaddyr
Mar. 20th, 2012 08:18 pm (UTC)
Hahah!

Blind Lemming and Proffesser Pete both do a lot of filk on the Ukelele, so yeah, there is stuff out there. i should introduce you to Pete for sure!
peteralway
Mar. 20th, 2012 09:19 pm (UTC)
I do use the ukulele a lot, but I'm not so sure it's so much ukulele music as accompaniment by an instrument that, unlike the guitar, does not require six fingers on each hand.

Oh, and sometime you should record a scratch track of a song and post it so that I have something more from you to listen to than "Champion" with pondside's accompaniment (not that it's not a great recording that I can listen to over an over, but I'd like more, please).
velocitygrass
Mar. 21st, 2012 06:11 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry you're in a funk. Hope things will look up soon!

But congratulations on finishing the Still in love story early. And did you get my email? I'm looking forward to reading what you have, though take as much time as you need with the filler scenes. As you noted, it isn't due until June.
shaddyr
Mar. 22nd, 2012 01:11 am (UTC)
Yes, I did get your email, and I just haven't had a chance to work on the fic yet, but I really want to make it awesome instead of procrastinate. So. As soon as I get the dream scene done, I will send it for alookee see.

:-)
duncanmac
Apr. 5th, 2012 02:34 pm (UTC)
I too can relate about the "hibernation" bit. I started a new job in January, but it's a miserable McJob [tho not at McDogFood, thankfully] and it means I work overnights. So my Sleep Cycle is scrambled to a fare-thee-well. Then the taxman said that my former employer (from two years ago) screwed up so I am On The Hook for *more* tax debt. :-(

Lastly, the [accursed] federal budget from last week is calling for ~4k in local layoffs this year, which may cause such a rise in unemployment that I could again be laid off from the McJob. To top it off, several recruiters have told me that I don't speak fluent French -- so I can't possibly be considered for the [remaining] jobs that they happen to have, as all of them require perfect bilingualism. :-(

I would like to retrain and get my old computer skills unrusted, but that would require More Money that isn't being paid to the taxman. If I can get the retraining, that might let me snarf a new job ... but no guarantees in the current globalized economy.

Wishing you luck in avoiding the SNAFUs and paying your bills!
( 26 comments — Leave a comment )

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