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And she's on a rant...

You know, it's really awkward when you have to come to work and act all professional, attend business meetings, and pretend you're a grown up when *really*, all you want to do is jump up and down and scream and yell and rant and rave and generally, have a huge temper tantrum.

*WHY* do I have to be a grown up? Gah. Sometimes this whole being mature thing really SUCKS.

Besides, it's not the fault of anyone at work. Nope. This is all THE EX.

So, Girly!Girl is not so much girly anymore. She is turning 19 in just a few weeks. Still living at home, mind. She's done some volunteer work and done some job hunting and gone to some job interviews, but so far - nadda. Zip, zilch.

I've been wondering *for months* when ExOfMine was going to approach me about not paying child support for her anymore.

First I should explain that he is the king of procrastination. Doesn't do anything unless you light a fire - and put some C4 - under his ass to make him do it. HA. Unless it involves money.

Well, the man who was 9 hours late visiting his first born daughter at the hospital the day after she was born because he was busy screwing around optimizing his computer BBS (and that is pretty much par for the course for the rest of the kids lives in terms of how TIMELY he is) the man who just STOPPED paying child support for a year because he had a pay cut and decided he wasn't going to anymore (yeah the courts said different, but I gave him a year before I went after him for it) yeah that guy. He had his mother serve me with papers last night.

I should have known the second she showed up to drop off the kids, since she never visits us. Of the last three times she came by the house before last night? Twice it was to serve me papers from him.

Needless to say I was less then sympathetic when she apologized and started telling me that she didn't want to and how it wasn't easy for her and how she was sorry - yeah, save it, lady. You can't even bother to come out and visit your grandkids, don't give me a song and dance about how sorry you are. Next time, say NO if it upsets you and get him to pay someone to do it like normal people do. Better yet, tell your son to MAN THE FUCK UP and call me to discuss it.

Yeah, right, like THAT would ever happen.

So, it's not that I don't understand - she's 19 and legally will be an adult. Problem is, I am still 100% supporting her - it's not like I am going to throw her out the day she turns 19 because she doesn't have a job yet. She's an Aspie, just like her brother, and it makes trying to find work a challenge. But he doesn't see any of that and doesn't care - all he sees are DOLLAR SIGNS and WHOO HOO he doesn't have to pay anything to that albatross of an EX anymore. Fucker.

If I thought for a second that he would be in the least be amenable, I would ask him if he could at least contribute the price of a one zone bus pass for her each month to make it easier for her to look for work. Hell, that would be pretty much the amount he's been paying in child support for her. But yeah, not a chance.

I have this furious, vindictive part of me that wants to rip him to shreds in front of my kids and tell them all the assholish things he's done (especially where money was involved) over the years, things he's said - he's certainly said nasty things about me to them, things that made my daughter tell me once, in tears, that she didn't think she could trust me after what daddy told her since I was lying all the time (OMG, that just ripped me apart)

But then I realize that I don't want to hurt my kids like that, but it's like a burning pool of acid in my guts because it's just so typical of how he operates. It's all about him, not his kids. The fact that Girly is facing challenges that make it hard for her to find work? Not his fucking problem.


I understand why people with less impulse control than I have shoot their ex's in the head.

But I like not being in jail. And my kids don't deserve that.

I think I need to write a very brutal story. Soon.


( 18 comments — Leave a comment )
Jul. 29th, 2013 06:17 pm (UTC)
*hugs* He sounds like a real piece of work. I'm sorry you have to deal with that asshole.
Jul. 29th, 2013 06:17 pm (UTC)
*offers hugs*

*kicks ex in a tender spot*
Jul. 29th, 2013 06:46 pm (UTC)
Wow, for reals?

Huh. I think I'm legally obligated to pay child support until age 21, but ElderSon is a few months past 22 and still needs the support, so I keep on up with it.

9 hours late visiting his first born daughter at the hospital the day after she was born

What. The. Fuck?

When both of my kids were born, I don't think I *left* the hospital for 24 hours, and then only to get food, a shower and a change of clothes!
Jul. 29th, 2013 06:54 pm (UTC)
As the daughter of a deadbeat dad, I sympathize. I will never understand those kind of men.

Jul. 29th, 2013 07:04 pm (UTC)

I have never understood the "yay, no longer paying the ex!" Uhm, no, douchebag, you're paying for YOUR KIDS who you HELPED CREATE and are responsible for.

Oi. I'm sorry you have to deal with this :/

Edited at 2013-07-29 07:04 pm (UTC)
Jul. 29th, 2013 07:11 pm (UTC)
Sue Grafton has said her book A is for Alibi started as "I want to kill my ex." ;)
Jul. 29th, 2013 08:37 pm (UTC)
Does the Asbergers diagnosis qualify G.G. for any kind of disability assistance?
Jul. 29th, 2013 08:42 pm (UTC)
That is just wrong on so many levels.
Jul. 29th, 2013 08:53 pm (UTC)
*hug* I am so sorry you have to deal with this.
Jul. 29th, 2013 09:07 pm (UTC)
I don't get this kind of behavior. I watch the BF choose to stay in a lower paying job because it has good benefits and allows him to work from home on the days he has his girls. I won't go into details, but he's THERE for them. He's always taking them to their games, their doctor's appointments, etc. He forks over a huge percentage of his paycheck each month in child support, despite the fact that his ex makes as much money as he does. No one who has a *cleaning lady* is hurting for income in my book!

And yet in the ex's eyes he is the WORST father ever because he lets them watch television and he doesn't make them pick up their things. The lack of respect for him on her part leaches over into the children. I feel like taking her aside and telling her she doesn't KNOW what the definition of a loser dad is.

I'm sorry that you do. :-(
Jul. 29th, 2013 11:03 pm (UTC)
Ugh. I'm sorry. *hugs and a stiff drink*
Jul. 30th, 2013 12:22 am (UTC)
sending bad thoughts at him and calming, good thoughts to you. :|
Jul. 30th, 2013 01:20 am (UTC)
*HUGS* I'm so sorry. My mother had problems with her ex - my brother's biological dad. I wonder if it's a douchebag ex thing, to refuse to pay child support and the like? I'm so, so sorry you have to go through that, though.
Jul. 30th, 2013 01:17 pm (UTC)
Ug. You don't deserve this and your kids sure don't. What a creep (to put it very mildly).

Suggestion in case he gets away with this: I wonder how he'd feel about paying support directly to his adult daughter? Based on a direct request from her? Even this sort of asshole should have more trouble turning that down. I realize it couldn't be legally enforced if she's past whatever age the court or the law says he has to pay.

FYI, my brother is still supporting his two kids, who are both in their thirties, as needed due to health problems. His son may always need his support (or support of a trust fund once Bob's gone). Josh was four at the time of the divorce, so this has been going on for a long time. Bob's done this by choice and directly with them since they became adults. But then, my brother isn't an asshole. I won't post my opinions of his ex-wife; my grandfather taught me that if you can't say something nice, say nothing at all. I don't always remember his advice but I'll apply it here.
Jul. 30th, 2013 08:18 pm (UTC)
He had it coming, he had it coming
He only had himself to blame
If you'd have been there, if you'd have seen it
I betcha you would have done the same.


Jul. 31st, 2013 12:01 am (UTC)
And an understanding once again why he's the EX.
Aug. 1st, 2013 11:07 pm (UTC)
Aug. 16th, 2013 10:45 pm (UTC)
Points to icon. 'nuff said. *hugs & whisky*
( 18 comments — Leave a comment )


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