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I got a message from LilBro's yesterday morning. His opening gambit was to say, "Hi, it's LilBro, your half-brother."

*blink*

Completely aside from the fact that I'm not sure what (if anything) he was trying to say by emphasizing that (did he think I would forget him just because we haven't talked for almost 10 years? Does he think I regard him as a less that a 'real' brother? Does her regard *me* as less than a 'real' sister?) I've always had an issue with the whole concept of "half-sibling".

From the time he was a baby, I thought of him as my little BROTHER. Emphasis on BROTHER. I've never thought, "he's only my half brother". The fact that he has the misfortune to be genetically linked to the stepmonster isn't his fault. Brother. Full stop.

My dad remarried about the same time as my mom; he and his wife had a baby about the same time as my mom had LilBro. I didn't meet him till I was in my 20's, and then didn't really get to know him until years later. While I'm a little more aware that he's my half brother simply because I wasn't raised with him, I still call him my brother, every bit as much as LilBro and AlabamaBro.

So... is that weird? Am I alone in feeling that way? I never did put much stock into the idea that the percentage of shared genetics material is the deciding factor of who is family. Don't see why I need to call out the fact someone is "only half".

As for LilBro - he didn't sound hostile, just stiff and polite. We'll see where it goes.

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( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
popkin16
Aug. 20th, 2015 08:34 am (UTC)
You think of it the same as I. My mother had my brother with another man, and my dad had a daughter with someone else, and then they had me. I never think of either of my siblings as "my half sibling". My relationship with my sister is complicated, but when I talk about her - or my brother - it's all "my sister" or "my brother".

Part of it might be that he doesn't feel like he's truly a member of your family, since you met so late and such. Like you're a distant relation. Maybe that makes him awkward, and comes off as hostile? I don't know. But it does seem as though he's reaching out.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed it goes well for you :)
em_kellesvig
Aug. 20th, 2015 10:17 am (UTC)
Popkin keeps hitting it out of the park! My mom was the one of nine kids, but the first four were from the first marriage and she was the third of them. Her parents divorced, her dad got custody, and he and his second wife, my "grandma", had three more, then two change of life boys. So three sets of kids totalling nine. And never was the word "half" used, not even when they were fighting. Not even when my youngest uncle went to school a couple years behind my oldest cousin and threatened to beat her up if she told anyone she was his niece. (Gets confusing, doesn't it?) *grin*

On the other hand, my mom's mom remarried and had three boys. Those were her half brothers as they weren't raised together, didn't meet until they were adults, and never formed lasting bonds.

So it's all in the way a person sees it and your brother sees the "half" that you don't. Sad because I believe that's what's keeping him away from you and may have motivated his behavior when your Mom died. Somehow, he got it in his head that either he or you only had half the rights to your mom the other had and that justified calling you and your brother ugly words and taking what he wanted. (He was a product of the marriage; you and Alabro were Redheaded StepChildren. Or vice versa.) It's a mean and petty way to think but it's been the root of some horrible family splits.

You may want to message him back to say, "You're not half a person and neither am I so we can't be half siblings." Good luck. :)
enigmaticblues
Aug. 20th, 2015 03:16 pm (UTC)
I wonder if there was something your dad and/or stepmother did or said to make him feel that way? It could be an issue of perspective, which can wildly differ between siblings. I'll bet if you asked my little brother, he would say that I was the favored child, whereas I was pretty darn sure it was him. But it's entirely true that our parents treated us differently, and it's only natural for a kid to draw different conclusions based on that, whether they're accurate or not.
pondside
Aug. 21st, 2015 02:36 am (UTC)
Yeah I was thinking the same thing. His upbringing was different from yours - "Peter" so perhaps it was always a point with your step-father? Whatever the cause I hope that you can have a relationship with your brother and if not, I can still write :)
selenic76
Aug. 21st, 2015 01:39 pm (UTC)
You've gotten such awesome replies already, so my only input is this: Don't overthink things just yet :) Stiff as it may be, this could be a beginning of a new kind of relationship with your brother, so just see where it goes. I sincerely hope all will go well *hugs*
escritoireazul
Aug. 21st, 2015 04:35 pm (UTC)
I'm adopted, and have little patience for the idea that shared genetics material makes a family.
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )

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