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Re: Sexism and choosing battles wisely

Even though there is a lot of sexist crap yet to be overcome in this world (see previous post) I thought that I'd like to share a little victory in that arena.

My son, who is 19, is growing up surrounded by feminism in various degrees. I'm very low key and am more likey to use sexist moments in life as educational opportunities for my kids, whereas my eldest is vocal and don't take no shit, and will verbally flay you if you are an asshat.

It is a pleasure for me to see how my son is frustrated by the casual sexism he encounters from his male friends. He thinks it is stupid to believe girls can't be as good or better than boys as gamers, programmers, doctors, firefighters or astronauts. He hears this stuff, but he honestly doesn't *grok* it.

I'd also like to mention that he does his own laundry, cooks meals for the household several times a week and I have never heard the phrase, "but that's a girl thing" from him about anything, including clothing.

I'm especially proud of my son, because his dad is one of Those Guys. The ones who think It's Not Fair - "It's always about women, well how about all the men who (get abused, get unfairly accused, get the shaft, fill in the blank) and what sbout men's rights, and today's world is so hard for white men..."

My son is awesome. Just sayin'.

Comments

( 20 comments — Leave a comment )
lunabee34
Jul. 20th, 2016 01:16 am (UTC)
You are raising him right. Go you! and him!

I knew Josh was a keeper the first time I went to his parent's home. We'd been dating for a while but we lived in the dorms which is not conducive to seeing how someone will truly act in a domestic setting.

His dad did all the dishes and helped with the cooking and so did Josh.

I have told Emma over and over again not to get involved with someone who won't do housework; that will only get bigger and shittier of a problem the longer she's with that person.
shaddyr
Jul. 21st, 2016 09:09 pm (UTC)
I strongly agree. Anyone who thinks that a certain job or type of work is beneath them gets my hackles up. I mean, sure, no one really likes doing dishes, washing windows or doing laundry but they still have to be done. Preferably without whining. :)
kirbyfest
Jul. 20th, 2016 02:09 am (UTC)
He is awesome because his mom is awesome. GO YOU.
shaddyr
Jul. 21st, 2016 09:15 pm (UTC)
Awww!

I feel pretty lucky to be honest. My kids are so different from what I was like in my teens and early 20's. That's a good thing.
solomons_pond
Jul. 20th, 2016 03:56 am (UTC)
We think all your kiddos are fabulous...

PS, you're lucky we returned J.
shaddyr
Jul. 21st, 2016 09:18 pm (UTC)
Well, I think they're pretty awesome.

Thank you for returning my eldest, who immensly enjoyed the visit. I miss you guys and need to make a plan to visit you myself sometime soon.
kazzy_cee
Jul. 20th, 2016 05:49 am (UTC)
Your son is awesome and is going to make a difference in the world!

My two sons are really conscious about gender too - they have a fanstastic role model in Mr Cee who is not hung up with a male ego. He has always been of the opinion if a job needs doing around the house it doesn't matter what gender you are - just do it.
shaddyr
Jul. 21st, 2016 09:20 pm (UTC)
I think Mr. Cee sounds like a fine example of the kind of man you want as a role model for your boys!
trepkos
Jul. 20th, 2016 07:09 am (UTC)
Very cool!
thenewbuzwuzz
Jul. 20th, 2016 11:59 am (UTC)
Sounds awesome! :)
(Well, sexism does also harm men, but less, of course.)
shaddyr
Jul. 21st, 2016 09:28 pm (UTC)
Well, sexism does also harm men

Agreed. Outmoded ideas of what it means to be a man are very damaging, and I causes harm to our whole society. Its heartening to see the changes even since I was a little girl, but kinda depressing how much further we have yet to go.

I'm glad my son will be one of the guys who doesn't bat an eyelash at the reality that women in his choosen field (programming and design) will be every bit as smart and capable as the men.
moreteadk
Jul. 20th, 2016 12:08 pm (UTC)
I think we pull just about equal weight around our house, Husband and me. It just so happens that it's divided out in the sort of traditional gender roles, but that's pretty much a coincidence. Husband likes gardening and working with tools, and I don't really. I'm hopeless with tools, actually, in spite of being out of a family with two carpenters, one joiner, one cabinet maker and smith. Don't breed true, those skills. I like baking, enjoy ironing and am slowly losing my blindness to dust and mess, so him in the garden and me in the house. It's no secret that I would happily chuck in work and be a housewife if I could, merely hindered by the amount of money doing so would cost. Husband mentioned this at his work once, and the others (almost exclusively men) were all a bit shocked at how old-fashioned his wife was, until he had to put them right and say I wasn't particularly old-fashioned as such, merely lazy. :D There's a great deal of truth in that, LOL! We do both cook dinner and Husband almost always help me clear up after eating (or do it for me), so all in all, I think we do equal amounts of work. :)

But the housewife dream, you know, we'll know we have achieved gender equality when a person can wish to be a house-person without being considered 'old-fashioned' but have it merely accepted as a life choice. A luxurious choice, but even so.
shaddyr
Jul. 21st, 2016 09:37 pm (UTC)
I think the whole point of feminism is that the work women do is of value, regardless of what the work is. Nothing is wrong with doing the work accorded to traditional gender roles. I agree with you - having the choice to be the stay-at-home be considered just another, perfectly valid option could be a great.
u_must_b_joking
Jul. 20th, 2016 07:20 pm (UTC)
Yes he is
And he's also as funny as heck too. Which is an equal opportunity trait, but one I particularly enjoy in any humans I know.
shaddyr
Jul. 21st, 2016 09:38 pm (UTC)
RE: Yes he is
He certainly has his moments.
velvetwhip
Jul. 20th, 2016 10:46 pm (UTC)
Your son gives me hope for the future.


Gabrielle
shaddyr
Jul. 21st, 2016 09:39 pm (UTC)
Well! I will have to tell him that! :)
herself_nyc
Jul. 20th, 2016 11:09 pm (UTC)
Good for you, you raised him well!
orangerful
Jul. 21st, 2016 12:32 am (UTC)
Good for you and good for him! Casual -isms can be so hard to overcome and the drive me crazy because usually when you point them out, people FREAK OUT. But I'm glad that he knows better. :)
lynnenne
Jul. 21st, 2016 04:43 am (UTC)
You done good. :)
( 20 comments — Leave a comment )

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